Thursday, April 16, 2009

Meet Isabel

This is our family on Easter (all four of us) and I'm 9 1/2 weeks.

Joe and I really had the baby itch when Isaac was barely four months old. Every day with him has been such a joy and a gift, how could you not want more?



In November, we finally got the guts up to start "trying." Considering we do natural family planning, most people say that we are doing that anyways, but we had even more fun...



Then at the beginning of March, we found out we were expecting! We have been so excited. Looking forward to a new addition to our little family. Ecstatic for our sweet baby, Isaac, to be a big brother.



When I was pregnant with Isaac, I just knew it was a boy. No one in this world could have convinced me otherwise. This time, we know like we know that a baby girl would be growing in my tummy. Throughout Pink Impact, I imagined how sweet it would be to have her in my arms next year and couldn't wait to have our own little women's ministry at the Ranch (cowgirl style). As much as we know she's a girl, we know her name would be Isabel. Isabel meaning "consecrated to God." I saw her in my imagination with dark brown hair (like mine is naturally :) and this cute little bob dancing in the wind as she twirled in circles.



I voraciously read every pregnancy book on my shelf like it was my first baby all over again. I get my little baby center updates on my blackberry and I desperately couldn't wait for November 11, 2009 when she was due to arrive.



Yet deep in my heart, I knew something wasn't right.



This last Sunday I started bleeding. I do not believe that it began on Easter day as an accident. Jesus Christ conquered the grave and I believe there is no miracle that is too difficult for him.



Monday, Isaac had a pediatrician appointment already scheduled in The Woodlands so I called to see if I could get in to see my nurse. She had me come in immediately and she put the sonogram wand on my stomach and there she was...in all of her glory. I could see her sweet head and her arms moving around. A gift from God.



Then, that evening the bleeding started again. On Tuesday it got worse. Tuesday night Joe insisted that we go to the ER in Bryan. We had to wait an excruciatingly long time to be taken back. God sent the sweetest angel to take my blood and she said she would be praying for me. I told Joseph that I wish that God would send "the angel blood lady back because I really liked her." Just a little later, here she comes walking through the door, because "there was one that they forgot to order." He cares even for the little things.



Then, this older gentleman in his 50s came to wheel me back to the sonogram room. We were making small talk as he prepared everything. He said that he couldn't give me my results in the room, that the doctor had to do that, but if he saw a perfectly healthy baby he would let me know. At that point, he put the wand on my stomach and his face turned very somber. I knew. I asked if he saw my baby and he shook his head. Isabel is in heaven. I know she is in heaven, but I really wanted her to be growing in my tummy. The sonogram man was very gracious, but I really just wanted to crumple up in a ball. I wanted to be alone....



They made me wait there for another 45 minutes to have the doctor confirm what the sonogram man's face said, what my bleeding indicated, what my blood work showed, and the images from the sonogram.



We arrived home a little before four a.m. and Joe held me and prayed I would be able to sleep. I am married to hands down the single most amazing man. He took the day off yesterday so we could have a family day. He has given me so much grace, served so selflessly, and loved so unconditionally. I know she would have been a daddy's girl.



Thank you for praying for us and we are so grateful for your prayers. We know life begins at conception so we are planning to have a little service for her, so I will be sure to take pictures because we would love for you to celebrate her 10 week old life with us.

James 1:12 "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him." God, please help me, so that may be true of me.

Anna sent me this song today. I had never really listened to the words and it blessed me so much. Will you listen to the words?

16 comments:

the rodriguez crew said...

Melissa, I am so sorry to hear about Isabel ... the story you told of her is beautiful! I check in from time to time, and always love what I read ... very inspirational.

I'll be praying for your precious family...

Nicole said...

Melissa,
You know I love you dearly. You and little Isabel are so precious to my heart.

Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to those who are of a broken heart and saves such as are crushed with sorrow...

Psalm 119:50
This is my comfort and consolation in my affliction: that Your Word has revived me and given me life.

The Durham's said...

Friend- we love you ALL very much and look forward to the day we are with Jesus and we can meet that sweet muffin. I know God is holding both of you, and for that I am grateful. Our prayers and love are in abundance. I am so sorry and I love you.

"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing" (Zeph. 3:17)

AnnaElise said...

Melissa, Thank you for sharing Isabel with us and her story. I can see her dancing with Jesus right now, just waiting for her mommy to come dance with her and our Savior. I know you know the song Glory Baby and I just keep thinking of the lyrics that sweet Jesus will hold Isabel until you and Joe are there to hold her. I also love how it says that there is healing in the knowing and the growing. Oh Mel, I'm so thankful for your love for Jesus and your faith and trust in Him.

Taylor-Man said...

I am so sorry to hear of this. You are so precious and such a Godly example even in a trying time. We know sweet Isabel is in a wonderful place and will meet you again one day. We are praying peace for you and grace to your sweet family as you walk this out.....trusting in the end something good will come!

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28

Love your sweet family!
-Kings

Wilson Family said...

Melissa, I am so sorry to hear of yours and Joe's loss of Isabel. I have never experienced what you are going through but I am sure regardless if you lose a child at 30 years, 10 years, or even as an infant the pain is still the same. Please know that your entire family is in my heart and prayers. Draw near to Jesus and he WILL draw near to you during this time. - Adana Wilson

The Bearded Lady said...

Thank you for honoring Him in your sorrow. I am so sorry for your loss. I know little Isabel is dancing with Jesus and I can't wait to meet her.

I love you friend.

sevans said...

Melissa,

I'm so, so sorry to hear about this. I didn't know you were expecting. Isabel was given to a beautiful, sweet family and I know she is loved and deeply mourned. Thank God for Heaven. Please give our love to Joe and Isaac. We are praying for you. You all look beautiful and happy in your picture.

xxoo

Anonymous said...

melissa,

my heart breaks for you. it is so hard to lose such a precious gift from God, this happened to me with our first baby, but like you said what gave me and cont. to give me the most peace is to know Jesus is holding my dear baby in his arms and i will one day be reunited with baby clay.

love you and praying for you

carrie (shelton) clay

Jodi said...

Melissa,
Thank you for sharing your sorrows with us, even though Isabel is in Heaven, you will see her one day! How exciting to meet your child in a most perfect place where she will never suffer!I will be praying for you during this time.

Abby Grace said...

I am so very sorry for your loss Melissa. I wish I could give you a big hug right now. I know little miss Isabel is loving dancing before her Father now but I know you all miss her terribly. We'll be praying for you. Love you sweet friend!

Becky Curtis said...

Melissa I am so sorry for your loss. You know I went through this twice last year. I know have two children in heaven Elisabeth Hope and Everrett James. Im excited to meet them one day. I wish they were here but I know that they are playing and living in paradise. God's grace is sufficent and he will carry you through this time. Know that jake & I will be praying for you & Joe and that we love you guys!

Michawn said...

Melissa,

I'm so very sorry. Thank you so much for introducing us to your precious daughter. I usually say 'I can't imagine' to things like this, but this one I can in some ways...I too lost our first child in this way. It's a tragic reality to face, but as usual, not one that took God by surprise. And He continues to be your rock, that is evident. We are praying for you in this time. I'm so sorry. We love you!

Sarah Wronko said...

Melissa, my heart breaks for you and your sweet family. I'm so so sorry. I know Isabel is dancing before Jesus and she loves you. We are praying for you and your whole family.
All my love,
Sarah

momma bee said...

I'm sending you the book "I'll Hold You In Heaven" which lays out the biblical proof that we will meet our loved ones there. And the coolest thing is...she will look exactly like a Terry! Her DNA precious to the Lord and the map of all she is meant to be. A worshipper already dancing before the throne...

Izabella Lucas said...

Melissa,
I don't think I have felt such opposite emotions when reading a single blog entry. Even before reading this entry I knew you were expecting, and I just commented with Jason this past weekend how I wish you would have a girl. When reading this blog, initially, I became so happy in hearing about little Isabel, loving her name ;-) and even her birthday (my wed. anniversary). I instantly felt a strong connection with your little one. To hear now that she is in heaven made me so sad... I can only imagine how you feel. I am so sorry for your, but also all of our loss, I have no doubt that her life would have been a blessing to everyone. I will for sure keep you and your sweet family in my prayer.
I love you and miss you lots.
-Bella