Because the fire is HOT! I have liked to think of this here blog as a "happy place." Not the "lament because its hot in the fire" place. Plus, I feel guilty even sharing my struggles out loud because they are so minor compared to so countless others who have lost children or are in financial peril or have been betrayed by those you love or living in a foreign country serving their guts out for God. Whenever I sit down to write or put this season on paper, I find myself comparing my situations to this person or that. The bottom line is that God knows what it takes to pry our hands off of those things which we cling so desperately to. ..."the removing of what can be shaken—that is, created things—so that what cannot be shaken may remain" (Heb. 12:26).
Even now, I want to cut and run. Not share. Cower in silence and not give a voice to the "wilda-desert" (as I call it).
When Joe first suggested that we pray about moving to Nowwhere-gee (Normangee), I honestly thought he was joking. I think I may have even given him a little giggle with a nudge. Then, the stark reality that he was serious about our family moving to a town of 700 people--My graduating class was more than that. I know, It could be so worse and how trivial this sounds, but it is where I have been. So...
As we continued to sense the Lord's direction pointing towards that sweet little town in the middle of nowhere, the mourning began. I mourned for weeks like someone I dearly loved had died. Then, I a dear friend whispered, "Its time for the mourning to stop. You have to believe that joy comes in the morning."
Spending the previous year with 5 amazing women day to day and then being blessed with the lives of hundreds of other women just made the thought of isolation that much more bleek. When you are a new mom, the feelings of loneliness are only magnified when you look out your window and down the street to only find lots and lots of horses.
In my quiet time one morning, I was reading in the Amplified Bible and there are several references that use "wilderness" and "desert" synonymously, which surprised me. To me, the wilderness is a place where you're not sure where God is leading you because of all the "trees" - maybe even a place of confusion or uncertain destination. The desert on the other hand is more of a place of spiritual dryness and barreness. This season would fall in both categories, but it was comforting to know that to God, its all the same thing. Here is what He said to me...
"And now, here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to start all over again. I'm taking her back out into the wilderness, where we had our first date and I'll court her. I'll give her bouquets of roses. I'll turn Heartbreak Valley into Acres of Hope. She'll respond like she did as a young girl, those days when she was fresh out of Egypt. " (Hosea 2)
So, welcome to my wilda-desert. I will be at times turning up the temperatures on my blog a little because I feel that I'm supposed to write about the view from the furnace. So, more to come on another day.
I will leave you with this. This one thing I know for sure, that our God cannot be shaken and he is unscathed in the midst of the fire.