Symbolically, its felt like one year long funeral. Burying "my" plans, dreams, and ideas. Leaving people we adore and in many ways it felt like we were "just beginning." Saying good bye to our church family. Parting with how we thought our family life and future would look.
I absolutely knew in my mind and spirit that it was the right decision but my heart was mourning.
Throughout the last year, we visited so many different churches, various denominations, many different towns all to no avail. We wanted to make several places work but in the end, they just didn't...
Then, feeling like we were at the end of our rope in finding a community of believers, to bury our sweet baby and to find out that the baby that is now in my womb had a twin that didn't make it, was just almost more than my heart could endure.
"(we don't want you) to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope" 1 Thess. 4:12
After a year of praying, searching and praying some more...With much joy and exultation, we are excited to say we are "home." All the while we were searching, our church hadn't even begun. Its a new church plant in College Station, New Life Church, that began in May. Every time we go into worship, my face is washed with tears, our hearts overflowing with gratefulness, and our spirits encouraged by sweet fellowship.
You know those times when you are home after a long furlough and you just want to take a deep breath, put your arms out and turn around in circles. Ahh...deep breath...
Over the last month, with the joys of our newest arrival on the horizon, I have felt the gentle prodding of God to "clean house." At first, I didn't really know what that meant or where to begin. I knew the end result was going to be good but it might get a little ugly in the process.
It has been little things and big things.
Its been my sweet husband digging deep to ask the hard questions and conjuring up the guts to answer. Its been asking to hold a newborn baby and letting the tears wash his little face. Its been finding extra time throughout the day to sit at His feet. Its been just being raw...most of the time.
And then the Word...
"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pastures." Ps. 37:3
Oh, I'm enjoying pastures...all 250 acres of them. :)