Sunday, October 17, 2010

Oh the joys...

Now gentlemen, if you will please excuse yourself, we have a little girl talk to be had. To put it plain this is not gender neutral. So go ahead, click out...come on. Jason, I know you're going to be a doctor and you know all these things anyway, but I really want you and Bella to have kids and this might put that in jeopardy. You can come back next time.

So ladies now that it's just us, I have been pondering the joys of post-pardum life. I wouldn't want you to miss out on any of those details :) so here are some ways that I know I am post-pardum:

Pre-baby I pulled my jeans over my hiney and now I pull it up with my jeans and have to shake it back down. I so thought I might need a video blog to explain this one but thought I would spare you the visual torture.

The thought of wearing anything labeled maternity makes me want to throw up a little in my mouth.

'No, that's not my mustache, that's my sun spots from pregnancy hormones.'

I own stock in astroglide.

My toddler looks at the backside (you know I get a baby in the back too) and asks, "Mommy, why did you write back there?"

I want to own every kind of spanx ever created.

Instead of tucking in my shirt, I have to tuck in my stuff in attempt to hide the muffin top.

Intimacy is planned around when 'the girls' are full.

When the husband never knows what size 'the girls' are going to be and I kind of wonder if he feels like he has different lovers.

I have thought about writing with a sharpie on my bra- 'one person at a time.'

It hasn't been that long since my roller coaster pregnancy and I see a lady in a hospital gown holding a newborn and I want to do it all over again.

It must be selective memory.

Or this face.


Michawn said...

girlfriend, you are crazy. hahaha. love this post. and she is SOOOOOO beautiful. as are you.

Ashley said...

So funny, Melissa. I concur...I am pregnant and I don't like looking at maternity clothes. But those little babes make it all worth it.

I was happy to hear I wasn't the only one who wanted to write "one at a time" on a specific garment.

ash (kinnard)

Our Little King-dom said...

you are HILARIOUS!!! I'm cracking up at you. Too bad Melissa Terry and Muffin Top don't even fit in the same sentence, so whatever on that missy! I think you are beautiful and I don't see one single sign that shows you are postpartum except the sweet girl you get to hold! You are too funny!