Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Knowledge Dispels Fear

I have had this post swarming around in my head for a long time. I have put it off, because there is so much I want to say on this subject but am not sure where to start and how much to say...

There are things I wish I knew about losing your baby (I don't like the "m" word). Not that I'm swimming in regret, its any one's fault or that I'm mad because I didn't know. I just feel like I'm supposed to share with you. Not in any way to invoke fear, but rather knowledge dispels fear.

I pray that absolutely none of you will walk through this, but maybe someone will come across your path that does. If so, encourage her to find someone who has walked through a similar situation and come out stronger in the Lord. Get that woman's number on speed dial and don't be afraid to call. Kelsi, may the Lord bless you 100 fold for answering my every call even with your new miracle baby! Thank you for answering way too many deeply personal questions with grace and transparency. Lastly, thank you for standing with me and believing God for every day miracles.

Also, I am so grateful to a dear friend for sending me Jack Hayford's amazing and so profound book, "I'll Hold You in Heaven." It says that this book is for anyone who has lost a child through miscarriage, stillbirth, abortion, or early infant death. I would say that regardless if you have walked through that, it should be on your list of "must reads." He basically details what the Word says about really tough questions like - "What is my baby's significance?" "will I recognize my baby in heaven?" etc. It also walks through the steps of forgiveness, healing and restoration for anyone who has been a victim of abortion.

Actress Kristin Chenoweth said it best, "Fresh grief is intensely private." Once the freshness wears off, you just want to be hugged...and you don't want them to let go. If you're not sure what to say- which we have all been in circumstances like that, each of us just want to be loved just where we are at. I know I have been guilty so many times over of trying to say something to make it feel better or fix the situation, but sometimes silence brings the greatest healing.

When Isabel went to heaven-I didn't want to walk in fear, so I was unfortunately walking in denial. The following are some more practical tips: If you are bleeding more than a quarter size drop, then you need to contact your O.B. Everything I read said that bleeding was normal, but it would be better to see your doctor and have them recommend a course of action.

I want to warn you that the next paragraph is graphic, so if you are more of the faint of heart, then you should skip paragraphs. If we do not talk about these things- then who will?
Again, I really pray that none of you have to walk through this ever. If you do not have a D & C, then a good rule of thumb is that if you fill up more than a pad an hour, then you need to contact your doctor. Also, in the whirlwind of emotions that follows the loss of your baby, many times you are not thinking clearly. You will want to keep the baby and you will want to give it a proper burial.

Maybe you will have a friend, sister, co-worker, or loved one whose baby's destiny is cut short. I hope that this will help you as you stand alongside her, loving her as she allows the God of all comfort to wash over her and heal her during such a heart wrenching time. If you know anyone who has any questions about my journey please feel free to email me

All my love...


The Durham's said...

Beautiful transparency sweet friend. You are right, people are destroyed for lack of knowledge...destroyed emotionally, physically, financially, or whatever area they are spiritually unaware in. Thank you for overcoming by His blood and the word of your testimony. He will use it, and I am certain already has used it, to answer some often unasked questions. Praying for you and love you!

sevans said...

I'm so proud of you for being so real. I know this will help a lot of women. Thanks for giving me the tools to know how to minister to other women. You are bringing beauty out of ashes.

Love to you.

Sarah Wronko said...

I'm so sorry sweetheart. I love you.