Monday, June 29, 2009

Signs of Summer

A little mischief.

Who needs a pony when I've got Madi?

Riding the Barbie car with all my girl cousins.

Going down the slide with Aunt Christina :)

Dad taking me down and when we were walking up the second time, I was so happy I gave him a big kiss! :)

Watermelon face :-)

A little sass.

Wanting to do what dad does.

Grandpa showing me the ropes with the ducks.

The ducks make me really happy :)

Great-grandma gives me some dancing lessons!

Now that's what summer is about :)

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Missing Jan...

I have really been missing Jan . Wish I could be close and get my arms around her. Pray together...oh boy, that's what we love to do. So here's to missing you, Jan...

About 6 months ago, when my wilderness was seeming quite thick and she was helping me to navigate the challenges, this is an excerpt of an email she sent me that I have kept printed out and pinned to the side of my computer since...

"During my “desert” wanderings in Mississippi, one of the things I learned – but didn’t realized I learned until much later – is that the God-given calling in my life never diminished or ceased to burn within me. During that season God removed every crutch in life that I thought gave me stability and relationship and value. I didn’t have a home or a lot of possessions or certainly a position. I remember many times sitting in visiting churches and repenting over my “ambition” to serve God. I think I tried to crucify my calling several times – put water on it – cover it over with other interest – tell it to go away. No matter what I did, I couldn’t shake this one thing inside – this passion to love women into God’s purposes. It annoyed me and it even kind of ached in the pit of my belly and in the end it made me somewhat sad because I couldn’t escape it nor could I operate in it. I am reminded of that verse that says all things that can be shaken will be shaken. Everything else fell to the ground, but this one thing – this core part of who I am and what God has planned for me – it never ceased. I want you to remember that who you are and what God has spoken over your purposes can not be shaken. No loneliness, no loss of direction, no lack – nothing can take it from you. So hold on my friend. The current assignment which seems impossible or unattractive, has a purpose. You are developing endurance, steadfastness and patience enough to defeat the enemy. Larger assignments are on the horizon. James 1:4 – Let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be perfectly and fully developed, lacking nothing."

I pray that your own words speak to you today. Here is a poem the Lord put on my heart this morning for you.

"Our Honor

You have held the lives of many;
Stood by their side and sung.
Sung a song of victory and deliverance,
Because their heart had none.

You pointed their heart to the One
Who could make their hope abound.
Loving each of us as a mother,
Not asking for a thing in return.

As you walk through the valley,
Please don’t let you head hang down.
We are so honored to hold your arms,
For the first time you can't hold your own.

So when the road seems lonely
Or you don’t even want to be there
Know that there are thousands
Who are fighting for you to be healed.

Enjoy being His princess
because that is who you are.
As a host of angels war on your behalf;
Lay sweetly in His arms."

I love you more than you know!

Friday, June 26, 2009

I was thinking...

Every time I walked by this horse, I kept thinking....
If Adam Lambert was a horse, then this would be it.

Adam wears "man-liner" and this little colt wears "colt- liner" :)

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Knowledge Dispels Fear

I have had this post swarming around in my head for a long time. I have put it off, because there is so much I want to say on this subject but am not sure where to start and how much to say...

There are things I wish I knew about losing your baby (I don't like the "m" word). Not that I'm swimming in regret, its any one's fault or that I'm mad because I didn't know. I just feel like I'm supposed to share with you. Not in any way to invoke fear, but rather knowledge dispels fear.

I pray that absolutely none of you will walk through this, but maybe someone will come across your path that does. If so, encourage her to find someone who has walked through a similar situation and come out stronger in the Lord. Get that woman's number on speed dial and don't be afraid to call. Kelsi, may the Lord bless you 100 fold for answering my every call even with your new miracle baby! Thank you for answering way too many deeply personal questions with grace and transparency. Lastly, thank you for standing with me and believing God for every day miracles.

Also, I am so grateful to a dear friend for sending me Jack Hayford's amazing and so profound book, "I'll Hold You in Heaven." It says that this book is for anyone who has lost a child through miscarriage, stillbirth, abortion, or early infant death. I would say that regardless if you have walked through that, it should be on your list of "must reads." He basically details what the Word says about really tough questions like - "What is my baby's significance?" "will I recognize my baby in heaven?" etc. It also walks through the steps of forgiveness, healing and restoration for anyone who has been a victim of abortion.

Actress Kristin Chenoweth said it best, "Fresh grief is intensely private." Once the freshness wears off, you just want to be hugged...and you don't want them to let go. If you're not sure what to say- which we have all been in circumstances like that, each of us just want to be loved just where we are at. I know I have been guilty so many times over of trying to say something to make it feel better or fix the situation, but sometimes silence brings the greatest healing.

When Isabel went to heaven-I didn't want to walk in fear, so I was unfortunately walking in denial. The following are some more practical tips: If you are bleeding more than a quarter size drop, then you need to contact your O.B. Everything I read said that bleeding was normal, but it would be better to see your doctor and have them recommend a course of action.

I want to warn you that the next paragraph is graphic, so if you are more of the faint of heart, then you should skip paragraphs. If we do not talk about these things- then who will?
Again, I really pray that none of you have to walk through this ever. If you do not have a D & C, then a good rule of thumb is that if you fill up more than a pad an hour, then you need to contact your doctor. Also, in the whirlwind of emotions that follows the loss of your baby, many times you are not thinking clearly. You will want to keep the baby and you will want to give it a proper burial.

Maybe you will have a friend, sister, co-worker, or loved one whose baby's destiny is cut short. I hope that this will help you as you stand alongside her, loving her as she allows the God of all comfort to wash over her and heal her during such a heart wrenching time. If you know anyone who has any questions about my journey please feel free to email me

All my love...